Journaling and Sleeping

I do a lot of thinking in the early morning. I think it is because the world is quite and it leaves time for me to finally relax and listen to my thoughts. I realized that I live my life through other people. I weight out my own enthusiasm and happiness of an event by what their reaction is when I tell them about the event. Leigh Anne lives her life, and then maybe she will tell me and Mom what happens. But for the most part she holds those experiences in because SHE knows what happened. And each one of those experiences meant something to her. For me, I guess I feel like I have to tell everyone what happened to me if it is something cool. This is wrong because not only do I look for justification of my enjoyment of an experience through others who WEREN'T there and thus won't have the same emotions about it. How can I expect them to feel as happy/sad/excited as I am?

Yesterday LA and I went to see Celtic Woman in SD. It was the most fun ever because we got to hang out with mom and see Frank. The trip quickly ended as we had to leave at 5 am the next morning but when I got back to SB, I was like WHOA THAT WHAT CRAZY!? We just did all the stuff and everyone else was just chilling back in IV. That is when it hits...the "you should tell people this so they will be impressed". And then the more people I tell, the less impressive it becomes even to me. My new goal is to write in my journal again. I feel that for the hours I spend on the computer, I should replace some of that time with journal writing. Why? Because I feel that if I write it in a journal, then it will be like "TELLING" someone. Then when I get to the real world with people I know, I won't necessarily feel the need to tell them. This is great because it means I can listen to their stories or talk about the present moment...etc.