Selfishness

Am I selfish? Is everyone selfish? Well it is a natural human emotion to show from time to time due to our innate adaptations of survival. However, I think that in this life we tend to look at situations through rose colored glasses. And that rose colored tint is often the selfishness that clouds our thoughts. I think the moments that we tend to be most selfish...or should I just speak for myself when I say that the times I am most selfish?...is when it comes to relationships. I am so happy with my life and so happy with the fact that I have the coolest sister in the whole world, that I forget to be grateful for all the other blessings I have like all the awesome friends I surround myself with. As we become more and more comfortable with our lives, we are often less likely to reach out to others who are going through trying times. It is human nature. We want to enjoy our good times and not dwell on the times that we were once in. However, I think that this is the test of a truly unselfish person. Someone who can look outside the box...get outside of her/his comfort zone...and do the right thing.

To overcome selfishness, we must be willing to step out of your comfort level and put yourself in the shoes of another person. Think for a moment about the last time you purposely made yourself feel uncomfortable. This might be hard to remember because during this technological age, we tend to keep pretty well inside of our comfort level. What I am guilty of is not allowing myself to see through the eyes of another. If someone is trying their hardest to make me happy, sometimes I am too stuck in my ways to 1) let myself take the flattery and 2) give them a break. I need to forget about my own short-comings and realize that this other person is being completely selfless by putting their pride on the line. I need to realize that they deserve the benefit of the doubt for doing something that I only just think about doing. I need to be more of a bona fide unselfish person. That's what it comes down to.

Journaling and Sleeping

I do a lot of thinking in the early morning. I think it is because the world is quite and it leaves time for me to finally relax and listen to my thoughts. I realized that I live my life through other people. I weight out my own enthusiasm and happiness of an event by what their reaction is when I tell them about the event. Leigh Anne lives her life, and then maybe she will tell me and Mom what happens. But for the most part she holds those experiences in because SHE knows what happened. And each one of those experiences meant something to her. For me, I guess I feel like I have to tell everyone what happened to me if it is something cool. This is wrong because not only do I look for justification of my enjoyment of an experience through others who WEREN'T there and thus won't have the same emotions about it. How can I expect them to feel as happy/sad/excited as I am?

Yesterday LA and I went to see Celtic Woman in SD. It was the most fun ever because we got to hang out with mom and see Frank. The trip quickly ended as we had to leave at 5 am the next morning but when I got back to SB, I was like WHOA THAT WHAT CRAZY!? We just did all the stuff and everyone else was just chilling back in IV. That is when it hits...the "you should tell people this so they will be impressed". And then the more people I tell, the less impressive it becomes even to me. My new goal is to write in my journal again. I feel that for the hours I spend on the computer, I should replace some of that time with journal writing. Why? Because I feel that if I write it in a journal, then it will be like "TELLING" someone. Then when I get to the real world with people I know, I won't necessarily feel the need to tell them. This is great because it means I can listen to their stories or talk about the present moment...etc.